Worst Christmas Songs - Ever

I've been spending a lot of time in Christmas music lately, as I try to sort out the Cantata program, what the kids are singing, what goes in the play, what the wirship team is and choir is singing. That, and this post by John over at Stuff Christians Like got me thinking about some really bad Christmas songs that seem to permeate the airwaves in December. Note that this is my list, but feel free to chime in with comments.

10. Little Drummer Boy (Bing Crosby and David Bowie) I have nothing against this song at all. The video creeps me out.

9. Santa Baby. (Madonna) I mean, who are we kidding here? Even in 1987, Madonna was far to old to be doing the cute "Betty Boop" thing. Plus, do Kabballah practicioners even celebrate Christmas?

8. Do They Know it's Christmas (Band-Aid) I guess this song was alright the first fifteen thousand times I heard it. Now it's just depressing. And why is Dan Akroyd in the video?

7. Please Daddy, Don't Get Drunk for Christmas (John Denver) This is really a song. It was on three albums. I mean, how can you lose with lyrics like "Just last year when I was only seven/And now I’m almost eight as you can see/You came home at a quarter past eleven/Fell down underneath our Christmas tree?" Classic! Right up there with "O Holy Night."

6. Same Auld Lang Syne (Dan Fogelberg) Note to program directors everywhere: Just because this song has the words "Christmas Eve" in it, does not make it a Christmas song! Yet, this ode to adultery gets pulled off the shelf every December, like an old friend. An old, attractive, married-to-someone-else friend.

5. Merry Christmas -I Don't Wanna Fight Tonight (Ramones) Sad part is, I think this is serious.

4. Christmas Shoes (Newsong) This tune scores a ten on the manipulo-meter. I wonder if they have a sappy-song department at the record company, kind of like a puppy mill for bad, heart-wrenching songs. This one is obviously a klunker that didn't get sold to the We Channel for some bad Christmas movie.

3. Happy Christmas - The War is Over (John Lennon) And people wonder why so many others get depressed over the holidays. It's largely due to this insipid song. I mean, John Lennon singing about Christmas? There's an irony there I don't even want to get into. Isn't this the guy who said the Beatles were more popular than Jesus? Is a sappy Christmas song going to get him off the hook for that one? Oh, and that maddening screeching going on in the background. That'd be Yoko. Who says she ruined his career?

2. Last Christmas (George Michael) This song drives me nuts. Literally. Everytime I hear that synth-pop rhythm start on the radio, my hand reflexively shoots toward the dashboard at the speed of sound. George Michael sums up for me what was bad about the 80's. There was so much good about that decade, why are we still hanging on to this ditty?

1. Wonderful Christmastime (Paul McCartney) What is it with former Beatles and bad Christmas songs? Get some bad synth tones and repeat the same line over and over - instant classic! I mean, if you were going to set out to write a bad Christmas song, you'd be hard pressed to match this one. Grand prize, slam dunk!

Here's our winner!


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